


Kid Sis

by EirinnGoBragh12



Category: Backstrom (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Drug Addiction, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Drug Addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 09:58:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21444367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EirinnGoBragh12/pseuds/EirinnGoBragh12
Summary: Valentine is accused of fathering a child, and Val laughed at whatever idiot woman had tried to pin fatherhood on "him" of all people. If they were throwing darts at a board to pick dads they sure had picked the wrong guy.  However, after meeting the idiot, Val finds out this baby may be his responsibility after all.I feel like I should have written this under a different name given my other works. There are some dark elements referenced in Val's past, and maybe a darker scene towards the end, but overall a lighter piece. Compared to my other stories, not lighter in general.
Relationships: Peter Niedermayer/Gregory Valentine
Kudos: 7





	Kid Sis

Valentine stood in the hospital watching Eileen Langdon breath in panting harsh breaths. It reaffirmed his belief in homosexuality, she was screaming, panting, and demanding drugs. He was never more grateful to be a man, and he had no intention of having kids ever. Which is why it was even more startling to get a call telling him he was a father. Since he’d never had sex with a woman and hadn’t been black out drunk in over five years, he knew that couldn’t be true. 

Louise “Lou” Finster his mother had called him, very disappointed that she wasn’t told, and harangued Val over the phone and demanded he turn up. Val had thought she was joking at first, and came out of curiosity to meet the woman who had picked the worst possible candidate to pin fatherhood on. When he’d arrived, she was in labor and he was in scrubs and masked, sitting in her labor and delivery room before he had a chance to work out the details. 

“Finally,” Eileen said, leaning back, as the epidural had kicked in, and there was some relief. The nurses rolled their eyes, “bitches,’ Eileen spat at them. “I know you waited to get me my drugs,” she accused. Eileen looked terrible, her bleached blond hair was strung out and in need of a wash, condition and cut. She was covered in sweat, her makeup running. The nurses had finally taken her cigarettes when she refused to stop lighting up. 

Everyone filtered out of the room, and Val watched her. “Since we’ve never met before, how about you explain why I’m here,” Val said.

“Because, you’re this baby’s father,” Eileen said, settling back and pressing her fingers to her stomach. 

“That’s not physically possible,” Val breathed out evenly. “You know there will be a DNA test, and everyone will know I’m not the father.”

“Your DNA will match,” Eileen promised smugly. Val watched her through narrowed eyes. 

“Why are you doing this?” Val asked. Eileen put a hand to her head, like she had a headache.

“Do you think you could get me something else? For the pain?” she asked, and it was clear she wasn’t looking for an epidural, Eileen was feening hard.

“You’re pregnant,” Val said shaking his head. It wasn’t the only reason he wasn’t going to get her drugs, but it seemed like an important one not to do them. 

“I know what I am,” she snapped, “it’s not mine, I’m not keeping it. If I had known I was pregnant sooner I wouldn’t even be here now, God damn it,” she spat. 

“No, it is definitely your baby,” Val said gesturing to her stomach, “it is, however, not mine.” 

“It’ll match your DNA though,” she said, making a face. Val blinked and tilted his head in frustration. 

“You know DNA tests can differentiate between father, son, and relatives, right?” he asked, clenching his teeth in frustration.

“No,” she said crossing her arms over her chest, “that’s just in movies and shit,” she said looking at him suspiciously. 

“Why the game?” Val asked, “which one of my relatives fathered this baby?”

Eileen looked away and wiped at tears. “He’s an asshole. Your mom told me what he was like, what he did to your brother.”

“Does she know?” Val asked as he guessed the relative.

“No,” Eileen said shaking her head, “she’s pissed at you.” 

“Thanks for that,” Val said sarcastically. “I don’t understand.”

“They won’t let me keep this baby, I don’t want to keep this baby. I don’t want Blue to have it. Do you want him to raise it? Just sign the certificate, you can get state assistance, and it’ll be easy to take care of the baby, and you’ll get free money,” she said, waving her hand.

Val’s eyes buldged, “are you fucking kidding? Raising a kid wouldn’t be easy if I had all the money in the world. I don’t want kids,” Val said. 

“Fine, then don’t sign. Blue will come and take the baby, if you can live with that,” Eileen spat.

“Don’t put that on me, I didn’t fuck him, you did,” Val snapped.

“I needed the money, you never screwed anyone you hated for the money?” Eileen said, her eyes reddened, anger and shame warring on her face. She took a deep breath, “look, I’m not kidding myself about being a great mom. I won’t be. I don’t want to be. But I had an asshole father before I was dumped in foster care, and that sucked. Just sign, your mom will take the baby,” Eileen said pleading softly. 

“My mom can’t raise a baby,” Val said sardonically, his childhood flashing before his eyes. 

“Just sign the fucking certificate!” Eileen demanded in a high pitched semi-scream. Val almost covered his ears, and he took an involuntary step back. 

“I can’t help you,” Val said shaking his head. Hell he could barely take care of himself. He’d lived with his brother, Police Lieutenant Everett Backstrom for 8 years and had been a hustler turned thief, turned fence, and had only stopped his criminal activity this last year when he’d started dating Backstrom’s forensic analyst Peter Niedermayer. They’d been exclusive the last six months, Val had only gotten comfortable with the ‘boyfriend’ label in the last month, and Val had just moved into Peter’s apartment a week ago. 

A nurse came in and checked Eileen. “Oh, you’re fully dilated,” she said with surprise, just before the epidural Eileen had been stuck at five centimeters, whatever that meant. But now things were happening fast, Val tried to make his exit, but a doctor and nurses came in, and Val focused his eyes on the sheet above Eileen’s waist, not wanting to watch. When the baby’s head came, obscuring most of the naughty bits Val was trying to avoid, he was drawn to it. As the baby came out, small, bluish pink, goopy, Val was a mix of horrified and entranced. Val didn’t take his eyes off her -yes- her, Val had just assumed it would be a boy, all of Blue’s kids had been boys. Val watched, transfixed as the doctor held her, cut the cord, and then she started screeching loud. Nurses and the doctor came to her, suctioning stuff, wiping, cleaning, and dropping a blanket on her. They tried to hand her to Eileen, who waved them off, and then Val found himself in a chair, holding a tiny flailing baby as various staff said ‘congrats dad.” 

A nurse was hovering and Val was trying to form the words to clarify the misunderstanding, but no one was listening. They were focused on Eileen and the baby’s care. “She’s going to go through withdrawals,” the nurse said sympathetically while kneeling next to him. “Try skin to skin contact,” she said, boldly reaching for, and moving aside Val’s smock shirt, moving the blanket the baby was wrapped in, and pressing the five pound, five ounce baby directly to his skin. It wasn’t like the movies, she still had traces of blood, she wasn’t neatly swaddled, and it felt gross for a moment, but then Val was cradling her. She stopped crying, and she looked up at him with wide hazel eyes. She was so small, her eyes so intense, and she had a mop of long brown hair. All the babies in movies were born bald, but this kid could rock a mohawk like her big brother if she wanted.

“Is she okay?” Val asked, mesmerized by her curious stare, his eyes never leaving hers, her lips opening and closing as her big eyes watched him, one little finger on her lip like she was thinking. She’d stopped crying so suddenly it didn’t seem natural. The nurse touched the baby, checked some vitals.

“She’s doing great, she must like you,” the nurse whispered. Val nodded, holding her, and watching her.

“Hi,” Val whispered to her before he could stop himself.

“Lots of first time dads are nervous,” the nurse encouraged, “you’re doing great.” Val nodded dumbly, too busy watching the baby to listen or correct the nurse. Eventually the nurse took the baby again who immediately started to wail, Val followed them, it hurt to hear her, and his body had a physical reaction - a fight response-, like feeling intensely protective even though she was clearly not in any danger. She was his baby sister after all.

“What’s her name?” another medical person asked. 

“Lulu,” Val answered, he thought he snatched the nickname out of thin air, but one could presume he’d named her after his own mother. “Lucy,” Val clarified, “we’re still deciding,” he stumbled. He didn’t really think about what he was doing, but after a few minutes and some medical intervention, they put Lucy back in his arms, and he held her to his bare chest, and she ceased her wails again. Her tiny hand flailing about. She looked at him with such curiosity and Val was choosing to interpret it as trust. 

He’d never felt so connected to another human being. They were being moved around the hospital, and Val was signing for paternity before he knew what the documents were. A social worker was meeting with Eileen, and Eileen was voluntarily giving up her rights, but the social worker didn’t really make it sound like a choice. Eileen refused to hold the baby or even acknowledge her. They moved Val and Lucy into another room when Eileen demanded they not be allowed to be near her.

“She’ll do best with lots of skin to skin, and being in a dark room. We should limit visitors,” the nurse explained, shutting Val into a private room with a rocking chair, dimming the lights. The nurse came back with a bottle, and Val was learning how to feed her, how to change her, how to bathe her, how to swaddle her, and dress her. Several hours had passed, and finally as ‘Lucy “Lulu” Elena Valentine’ slept on his chest, he flipped his phone back on. 

He had several messages from his mom, Peter and Backstrom. Val was startled to find out that all three of them were now in the hospital waiting area. Peter was being great, his messages were inquisitive and non-accusatory, but he seemed concerned, and understandably surprised. Backstrom’s texts had the vague theme of how had Valentine been caught up in something so stupid. Lou’s texts all revolved around him being a jerk and when could she see her grandbaby. Val felt himself strangely possessive and not wanting to share Lulu. Not to mention what was he going to say, how was he going to explain this.

Val finally relented and asked a nurse if they could come in, Lucy was still resting peacefully against his skin and they cautioned him about letting anyone else hold her. Lucy had been born addicted to various drugs and was required to remain at the hospital longer than a normal newborn. She was also small for her birth, but was doing well according to the staff. They kept the lights dimmed and everyone wore sterile overshirts and pants. 

Backstrom, Peter, and his mother showed up in masks and gowns. Val gave them a small smile, and held onto Lulu.

“Can I hold her?” Lou asked, coming close to look down Val’s shirt, so she could see the baby. “She has more hair than you!” Lou said with surprise, as she was already pulling Lulu from him, who immediately screamed loudly when seperated from Val, tears forming on her face, her whole body going red, and stiff.

“It’s me, Grandma,” Lou tried to comfort, and Lucy wasn’t having it. Val hovered, and then took her back.Val eased himself back into the rocking chair, humming for a moment. Lucy shot a look at him which Val swore was chastising, and then she snuggled back against his chest. He let his finger drift through her hair, and she made little cooing noises as she fell back asleep. 

“She does that every time, she won’t let the doctors and nurses take her either,” Val said softly with some measure of pride as he watched her, his heart swelled at their connection. He felt calmer with her in his arms. 

“She’s perfect,” Lou whispered back with such love and adoration. Val wondered if she’d ever looked at him like that. 

Louise visited for a while longer, and then Val was left with Backstrom and Peter. Peter kept watching him, but beyond some congratulations and general baby comments he wasn’t saying much. “She has your nose,” Peter commented in a neutral tone, seeming to still be trying to appraise the situation. Val smiled at him, and held up a hand to hold Peter’s. 

“You have never slept with a woman,” Backstrom said crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Are you following me?” Val said flippant, “how would you know if I’ve ‘never’?”

“Well, and this would have been nine months ago,” Peter was doing math, realizing he and Val had been together, but not exclusive during that time. Peter was also probably remembering that Val had insisted on condoms until the six month part, and after they had both been tested. 

“She’s not mine,” Val sighed at them. Peter narrowed eyes and peaked at Lucy again.

“She looks a lot like you,” Peter said, clearly wheels still spinning.

“You thought Backstrom and I were father and son because of our noses,” Val reminded him. “Blue is the father,” Val confessed, there was no point in hiding it, Backtrom would wear him down until he found out the connection. 

“What?!” Backstrom asked.

“She’s our sister,” Val answered and explained what Eileen had told him. “You can’t tell him or anyone, not even Lou,” Val said firmly.

“You can’t think you’re keeping her?” Backstrom half asked, half stated.

“I don’t know what I’m thinking except she doesn’t belong with Blue or in foster care,” Val said in a pleading tone.

“You get tired of everyone and everything eventually, then what?” Backstrom snapped. 

“What else can we do? Blue won’t take care of her if he gets her, and foster care will be awful. She’s family,” Val protested. Until Backstrom, Val hadn’t had a sibling or a real sense of family. The more he thought about letting her go, the more that felt like a betrayal, a pain in his heart. In image of Backstrom packing his bags and kicking him out after the Dante Trippi incident assaulted Val’s mind, the loneliness, betrayal and pain it had caused, and he hadn’t even known Backstrom was his half brother at that time. Val couldn’t do it to Lucy. He didn’t know what it would mean long term, but right now, he couldn’t turn her away. He couldn’t. Besides she liked him, only him. She also looked like him, which helped too.

“What about your boyfriend, did you think how he will feel?” Backstrom snapped gesturing to Peter, who looked deep in thought.

“You don’t care how he feels,” Val said, “and lower your voice,” Val said as Lulu stirred.

“Are you going to help me?” Backstrom whispered harshly at Peter.

“I’m in,” Peter said, his hand going to Val’s shoulder as he kneeled beside him.

“What?” Backstrom asked before Val could utter the same shocked question.

“I love you, if you want to keep her, and me, then we’re a family, I’m all in,” Peter said, smiling at Val. Val smiled back, and was at a loss for words. A few months ago they’d vaguely spoke about kids and Val had adamantly said they weren’t part of his future and Peter had said he was on the side of having kids someday, but he could live without them. Val didn’t know what he would do if the roles were reversed. Kids still scared him, Lucy didn’t scare him, but she was different for reasons Val couldn’t explain to himself, much less anyone else. 

“I love you too,” Val said, his gaze going back to Peter. 

“You’re both crazy,” Backstrom groused. “You cannot just take this baby and raise her.”

“Are you volunteering to take her?” Valentine asked with wide sarcastic eyes.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Backstrom snapped. 

“Do you want her to go to Blue? Or foster care?” Val asked, pained. “You were raised by Blue. Can you imagine him pistol whipping her in the head? I had plenty of stints in foster care, we both know those options suck. I don’t want, or didn’t want kids, but she’s here. If you want to help, come up with a real plan, stop telling me I can’t, I don’t have a choice and neither do you. She’s our sister,” Val pleaded for understanding. Val looked down at her again, it was hard to believe he was ever that small. Val wondered, not for the first time, what his life would have been like if he’d had a parent or a sibling who had looked out for him. He liked his life just fine, but his heart hurt at the idea of anyone hitting Lucy, or of her turning tricks to survive. Val couldn’t turn his back on her anymore than he could on Backstrom.

“Val, she’s a baby. You’re talking about forever, you never even had a pet, I’m surprised Peter’s lasted this long,” Backstrom reasoned.

“I’m right here, Sir,” Peter reminded him.

“You know how he is, how can you support this? Or are you thinking this is another way to secure a relationship with Valentine, you must know there is a shelf life,” Backstrom said, his eyes narrowed, staring at Peter.

“I’m right here,” Val said softly. “This is happening, I don’t need you to agree to it, just agree not to tell anyone.”

“Of course I won’t tell anyone, but you need to think about this more. You can’t just stop answering her texts if it doesn’t work out,” Backstrom tried to reason, and Val could see he was genuinely worried and not trying to be unkind. “She’s not a puppy you can leave by the side of the road when you’re done with it.”

Val sighed. “Okay, first, you cannot leave a puppy by the side of the road when you’re done with it. Second, she’s family, she needs us,” Val said, the world seemed so big suddenly, and dangerous.

Backstrom turned, frustrated and paced to the window. Peter leaned in, his finger stroking her cheek. “She really is beautiful,” Peter said, smiling. She started to turn, rooting towards his finger. “I can’t wait to hold her, I mean I can wait, but I’m excited,” Peter said, his head leaning in until it touched Valentine’s forehead. 

“Are you really okay with this? Are you sure?” Val asked softly, he desperately wanted the answer to be yes. For all of Backstrom’s objections, Val knew he could move back to the barge with Lulu, but he didn’t want to. He had fallen for Peter, and while the idea of family, and children terrified him, he wanted things to work with Peter. No one had ever looked at him with so much love before, and Val had never let himself feel so intensely for another person. 

“Yes, we’ll make it work. It’s not what I expected, I’m a little scared, but I think we can do anything together,” Peter said, and as they started to kiss Backstrom groaned.

“Oh God, don’t make this day worse, put your tongues back in your mouths,” he complained. Val smiled at Peter, his lashes lowered in that seductive way. Peter put a hand to his cheek and kissed him softly, keeping his tongue firmly in his own mouth. 

“I, it’s weird, I think I love her,” Val confessed softly, looking down at her. “I just feel, so,” he didn’t know how to finish.

“I feel jealous,” Peter teased, “It took almost a year for me to hear that, and she hasn’t even been around twenty four hours and she’s stolen your heart.” Val grinned and ducked his head, shooting Peter a flirtatious look. 

A nurse came in, head down, carrying paperwork, and she was startled when she looked up and saw Peter and Val almost kissing. “Oh,” she said, “oh,” she said again looking at Valentine and Peter. “I thought, are, do we have two daddies?” she asked awkwardly. 

“Yes,” Peter said quickly. 

“I’m sorry, I thought, I didn’t realize, I thought you were with that girl,” she shook her head. “It’s none of my business, I’ll get a second wristband, so you can come and go,” she said, but she watched Val for confirmation and he nodded his head. “And you are?” she said turning to Backstrom.

“Uncle Backstrom,” he sighed.

“You’re going to make her call you Backstrom?” Val asked with exasperation.

“Yes,” Backstrom said turning around, “or Uncle Lieutenant, your choice.” 

“I’m going to have her call you Uncle Traffic Division,” Val muttered under his breath and Backstrom shot him a dirty look. 

***

The time at the hospital passed in a blur. Val spent a lot of time holding Lucy in a dark room, and holding his breath as she screamed and raged against the withdrawals. She sent a lot of people running, but Valentine could empathize with the withdrawals. Val had detoxed more than a dozen times as a teenager and adult. Sometimes because he couldn’t afford drugs anymore, and sometimes because he tried to quit. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like for a baby. It just sucked, and it hurt. Val held her, walked with her, sang to her, admittedly he had put in ear plugs a time or two, but he didn’t leave her, and he didn’t stop holding her. The nurses encouraged him to put her in her crib or take a break, but he couldn’t bear the idea of her suffering alone or with strangers. Peter had done a few stints, and to his credit never withdrew or complained, but Lucy infinitely preferred Valentine to all others, and she was at her calmest when in his arms. 

Val had tried to put her in the crib when she slept, but she would wake immediately and howl, so he began sleeping in the rocking chair with her nestled against him. They weren’t his best nights of sleep, and sometimes he laid in the hospital bed with her asleep on his chest. He still woke, terrified something bad would happen, but at least he got snippets of rest. 

The first few weeks were the worst, but as she withdrew from the drugs, and bonded with Valentine, her suffering eased. She had a specific care plan for when she could leave the hospital, and she had to meet her goals. She didn’t falter and Valentine couldn’t have been more proud. A social worker came everyday to meet with him. She’d given him videos to watch, pamphlets, helped him sign up for programs, and coached him through taking care of a baby. The nurses showed him how to feed, swaddle, bathe and change her, and Val did as much alone as he could. He felt confident in his care for her, and it felt natural. Val was becoming a little prideful that she soothed so easily for him, that she clearly preferred him to all others. It was a mutual love, he adored her right back. 

Backstrom’s Special Crimes Unit, while shocked, supported Peter at least. Val took some harsh looks as they did the math and were surprised that he’d slept with a girl, but Val absorbed it all. Peter defended him, but he kept his promise not to set the record straight even though he didn’t like the team or fellow cops thinking bad thoughts about Val. Especially, when Peter felt that Val was a hero in this situation, and not the jerk he was being portrayed as. Val didn’t care as long as Blue didn’t find out. 

Whatever ill will they bore Val did not extend to Lucy. The whole team wanted a turn holding the baby, but Lucy wasn’t a fan. She did let John Almond hold her as long as he talked to her in that soothing voice of his, but even that only lasted so long and she would wail loudly until Val had her again. Val’s unfailing support and Lucy’s obvious adoration of him did seem to smooth over some of the hurt feelings. Lots of gifts had appeared. 

Peter had purchased a lot of items, and between him and the team, Lucy had diapers, wipes, bottles, bottle warmers, formula, clothes, toys, bouncers, strollers, car seats, rockers, exersaucers, swings, booties, a bath flower, soaps, lotions, hair accessories, and most items that a baby store could carry, and some things that Val couldn’t ascertain the purpose of. Backstrom had called dibs on the crib, and he’d spent time building a beautiful wooden one, with lots of etched designs. He’d cut Lucy’s name into it in fancy lettering. Val hadn’t seen it in person yet, but it had looked beautiful in pictures.

Val was feeling more confident caring for her. He’d become a fan of babywearing, a term he didn’t even know was a real thing until Lucy came along. When the nurses brought it up he’d recoiled, visions of horror movie involving wearing human flesh flashing before his eyes. The nurses had patiently explained the concept, and now Val wouldn’t imagine not doing it. It kept his hands free, and it kept her close, and she did best when snuggled against him. He’d learned to use two different style wraps, a carrier, and had picked up some in colors that complimented his fashion sense. Backstorm had reminded him several times Lulu was not a fashion accessory, but as Val pointed out, that didn’t mean her stuff couldn’t be. Val had received a comb and several bows and other hair accessories, and spent a lot of time watching videos online learning how to do her hair. Mostly he used the baby hats decorated with bows, because she needed to keep warm, but he was looking forward to trying out some of the other styles. 

Backstrom had unnecessarily pointed out that Lucy was too young, and couldn’t wear make up. Val had huffed at him. But now it was time for them to go home, and Val had her in the car seat. She did not like it. He would have put her on his lap, but the nurses followed them out to the car. Val put his hand on her chest, and she calmed some, sniffling at him, and looking pitiful. She had expressive eyes, and Val knew he was in all manner of trouble for shackling her into the car seat. She had been in his arms almost exclusively for the last few weeks, and she was not eager to try new things, like a car ride. Val felt himself getting anxious, he would have walked her home if it wasn’t raining out, just to have her back in his arms and erase that look of betrayal and anger from her face. He put the binky back in her mouth, but she sucked it with such attitude, she was not letting him off the hook. He tried to sooth her with light touches, singing, cooing, but she continued to scream, and shoot him angry looks. 

“She owns you,” Peter commented.

“I know, I’m not blind,” Val huffed, “can’t you use the lights?” Peter laughed, and he may have exceeded the speed limit on occasion to get them home a little faster. Val was still reeling at how his life had changed, he tried not to think about it much, didn’t have time. Lucy demanded all of his attention and he frequently only got rest when she slept. He often dozed off in the rocking chair with her pressed to him, as he sang to her and patted her with gentle hands. She did eventually start crying in his arms, but he was always able to quiet her. She still didn’t let anyone else hold her. Every doctor and nurse got adept at doing their job quickly, and getting Lucy back to her daddy. 

Val wasn’t sure if he was going to use that title. He worried that Lucy would feel betrayed when she was older, but he also didn’t want her to feel like she didn’t have a father. Every decision seemed incredibly important and life altering. He wasn’t even sure he had picked the right now, should he not have given her the last name Valentine since he used it as a first name? Should he have named her Lucille so she had a more dignified professional name? Val knew some of his over the top anxiety about decisions was somewhat because he was sleep deprived. As they pulled into the parking lot of their building, Val pulled her out of her carseat and tucked her inside his shirt and jacket. She looked up at him with a balled up little fist, and angry eyes, she sucked her binky like a threat. 

“Lulu, come on, it was for your own good,” he soothed, trying to placate her. By the time they got to the elevator she was nodding off, but she kept flicking one angry eye back open to look at Val and remind him he was in trouble. By the time they got to the apartment, her binky was hanging out of her mouth precariously and she had a slight line of drool. Val smiled down at her, kissing her head. “I love her,” he breathed out. Peter put a hand on his back.

“You need to rest, hand her over,” Peter said, removing his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt. 

“It’s okay,” Val said, “she just fell asleep and…” 

“She’s going to have to fall in love with me eventually, I wore you down, I can wear her down,” Peter promised, and Val laughed. 

“You didn’t wear me down, you built me up,” Val sighed, and leaned into Peter to give him a kiss. 

“That’s the most romantic thing I think I’ve heard you say,” Peter whispered against his lips. “But I can’t tell if you mean it, or you just don’t want to give up our daughter,” Peter teased. Val felt an unexpected jolt of pleasure unfurl in his gut at the phrase ‘our daughter’. Peter had promised to be in this with him, but that phrase made it feel more real. 

“Maybe I just don’t want to let go of you,” Val flirted, then yawned as the universe conspired to side with Peter. Peter grinned and reached for Lulu, Val helped transfer the sleeping baby to Peter. Peter smiled wide as he tucked Lulu against his chest - skin to skin. Peter pulled one of the baby blankets around her, and his arms held her securely. Val felt more warmth in his chest as he watched them. 

“She’s still asleep,” Peter said, softly with excitement. Val hovered still. “Go, I have this, and you’ll know the minute she’s not happy -she’s not subtle-, get some rest,” Peter instructed. Val yawned again, he hadn’t slept in a real bed in weeks, and he really was looking forward to that, but he hadn’t been without Lulu for more than five minutes in that same amount of time, and now he felt like he was missing a limb. Peter kissed him softly and quietly, then shoved him towards their bedroom.

Sleep won out and Val collapsed on the bed, still fully clothed, on top of the blankets. 

***  
Val came stumbling out a few hours later, Peter was in the living room, in a rocking chair that hadn’t been in the apartment a month ago, another Backtrom original woodworking. Peter was feeding Lulu a bottle and talking, and singing to her. Val leaned against the doorway, and watched them. His heart swelled again as Peter soothed her and she looked up at Peter. Perhaps there was a small pang of jealousy that Peter had found a connection with her, but it passed quickly, Val couldn’t believe she was going to have two parents who loved her, stuff of fairy tales, and legend. Val felt so proud of Peter for working so hard and being so accepting. He was spoiling them both. 

Val had broached the subject of finances, and Peter insisted he liked the idea of supporting them right now. Val wasn’t going back to stealing, or anything illegal. He wasn’t going to get taken out of Lucy’s life for any reason, and he didn’t want to be walking down the street someday with someone like Dante Trippi pissed off at him and looking for a fight. Unfortunately, Val didn’t know what marketable skills he had that would be on the correct side of the law. Val had a little money, as part of moving out of Backstrom’s he’d had to offload most of his merchandise, and a lot of it was sold discounted. He had a small amount to live off that he could stretch, especially since Peter worked and insisted on paying most of the actual bills. Val nor Peter wanted to put Lucy in childcare, yet, at least. Val still had a hard time thinking this was permanent. It had all happened so fast. Peter was content to support them-especially if Val would stop his criminal activity. Val didn’t know how he felt about Peter taking care of them.

Val had suggested working off shifts, but Peter insisted Lucy needed Valentine for much more of the day, and he didn’t want to not see Valentine either. They’d tabled the conversation for now, and Valentine had let it go. He didn’t have a reasonable alternative. 

“Hi,” Val said, and two heads turned to face him. Lucy’s face scrunched up when she saw him and she started to wail, her little fists flailing. 

“Okay, my spell has been broken,” Peter said, “she’s done with me if you’re here,” he laughed.

“Oh come here, Lulu, what’s wrong, did you miss me? I missed you,” Val cooed, and she calmed once she was back in his arms. He dropped kisses on her cheeks and mouth, and she wiggled in his arms. She looked between Peter and Val, and then settled on watching Valentine. “There’s my girl, the only girl I’ve ever loved,” he promised, kissing her forehead. Peter put his arms around them both and kissed Val’s neck and cheek.

“You’re great with her,” Peter said, awe and respect in his voice.

“So are you,” Val noted. Val was swaying, involuntarily, it was now a habit for his body. “Thanks,” Val said.

“You needed some sleep,” Peter shrugged, his hands cupping Val’s face, lips meeting his, and Val kissed him back. It had been weeks since they’d had time for sex, sure there had been two quick hook ups in the hospital bathroom once while Backstrom had taken a shift with a sleeping Lulu, and once when Gravely did, but Valentine missed their sex life. 

“I didn’t mean ‘thank you’ for the nap, but for that too. For everything, I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Val said, looking down at Lulu and then back up at Peter. 

“I can’t believe we have the opportunity to do this,” Peter said, his chin resting on Val’s head, as he held them both in his arms. “You know I thought if we ever did have a child, it wouldn’t be a surprise, one of the advantages of being gay,” Peter mused. 

“You and me both!” Val laughed, “unexpected pregnancy was definitely not a possibility,” Val shook his head still marveling at the turn of events. His lashes lowered and he watched Peter, “It’s still, thanks for doing this with me.” 

“I love you, all of you, all the good, all the challenges, whatever it is, I want to do it together,” Peter said. Val felt his heart swell bigger again, it all felt surreal. 

Valentine and Peter eventually drug themselves off the couch and began adjusting their routines, moving around each other, centering on their care for Lucy, but touching, bonding, figuring out how to be this new family. It felt natural, working together, passing Lucy between them, cooking dinner, stealing kisses from each other when they could, making bottles, changing diapers. Eventually, Peter disappeared to shower, and Val rocked Lulu to sleep and then put her in the crib. They’d set it up in the bedroom since she needed care at night, and it’d be easier for them. After patting her back Val went into the bathroom and left the door open a crack. 

Peter was showering, and Val took off his clothes and leapt in, closing the glass door. Peter’s hands grabbed at him, immediately exploring flesh and reveling in the chance to be alone. Val’s mouth found Peter’s right away. “I’ve missed,” Val said, his mouth nipping at Peter’s, his tongue sliding in Peter’s mouth as Val wrapped his legs around Peter’s waist Val’s back pressed to the shower wall, water cascading over them. “You, inside of me,” Val panted between kisses, “if you don’t fuck me soon, I’m going to scream,” Val promised, “if you do it right, I might scream anyway,” he laughed, as Peter’s mouth trailed kisses along his jaw, and mouth, finding his throat, nipping and biting a pulse point that Val enjoyed. 

“You feel so good, missed you,” Peter murmured between kisses, nips and bites, his hands and fingers joyfully reconnecting with flesh he’d missed for so long. 

It didn’t take much for either of them to be fully aroused, and after a moment and some soap for lube, Peter was buried inside, and Val was rocking back and forth, one arm braced on the shower wall, one around Peter’s back. Peter was supporting Val with one arm, and stroking Val’s cock in a similar rhythm to their fucking. Val was moaning softly “Keep. Doing. That,” Val instructed, and Peter orgasmed, and the pulsing sensation sent Val over the edge, spilling into Peter’s hand and onto his stomach. He spasmed around Peter, causing Peter to moan even louder. They both revelled in the sensation, catching their breath, letting the orgasm wash over and then slowly dissipate. Peter held Val up, staying inside until his erection completely subsided, kissing Val everywhere he could, keeping their bodies pressed firmly together. 

“I needed that,” Val panted, his legs like jelly, but he stood anyway, leaning against the shower.

“I needed you,” Peter murmured, trailing lazy kisses over Val’s face, neck, shoulders, and chest. 

They dried off and dressed, and just as they fell into the bed, Val heard the familiar call of the wild, and he was out of bed in a flash, pulling Lulu into his arms. He was so tired, and probably should have used her brief nap to take one of his own, but he’d needed a tumble, needed to connect with Peter on a deeper sensual level. Val put her in the bed between them, and they both propped up on one elbow to stare down at her. She looked between them, sucking her binky furiously. 

“Why so mad?” Val cooed at her, and she tilted her head to watch him, as he stroked her cheek. She started rooting towards his finger. “Are you hungry little Diva?” Val asked. He started to get out of bed.

“No way,” Peter said, ”I’ll get it, I’m not going to be on the receiving end of her tongue lashing if you leave her.” Peter was back quickly with a bottle, warmed to the right temperature. He had become a master at baby assisting, preparing bottles, outfits, bath accessories, escorting diapers to the bin. Lulu had made it clear that Val was her preferred parent, but Peter was in the trenches as much as possible with him. Val sat up, pulling up his knees, and resting her on them, tilting the bottle in her mouth, but so they could still look into each other’s eyes. One of the videos Val had watched said eye contact was important for bonding, and Valentine wanted to make sure she felt loved, and safe. 

“You’re going to have to forgive me eventually,” Val cautioned her, and after a bit she had a sleepy look again. Val took the bottle and held her to his shoulder to pat her back and coax a burp. He was becoming a pro at feeding time. He got the air bubbles out, and she was lulled to sleep on his shoulder. He tucked her into his shirt, where she snored softly. 

“She gets that from you,” Peter noted, and Val slapped at him playfully. “I didn’t think we’d get her a bra so soon, but maybe she needs one of those nose ones,” Peter teased.

“You love my snoring,” Val reminded him.

“I love everything about you,” Peter corrected him, a hand going to Val’s cheek. 

***

“What do you think of Gigi?” Lou asked, holding Lulu in her arms. “I’m not sure I’m ready for grandma,” she said to Val. Val watched them as he folded tiny baby clothes. Lulu was putting on weight, but she was still rocking the preemie outfits. They were so tiny, like doll clothing.

Val, Peter and Lucy had settled into a routine. Peter had managed to take two full weeks off to help, but he’d returned to work earlier this week, and Lucy and Val were figuring out their routine. Lou had been by everyday, and Val had the vague sense she didn’t think he could do this. He resented that, but tried to keep it in check. Truthfully, he didn’t know much about parenting. Also, it was a little bit thanks to her that he didn’t know what a good parent was like. 

“Gigi is nice, probably easier to pronounce,” Val said absently. 

“Gregory,” his mom called softly, looking between him and the baby.

“Yeah?” Val asked turning to face her. He didn’t let her call him Valentine or Val, those were nicknames for his friends. He wondered if he’d forgive her someday, or if Lucy would ever despise him as much as he’d despised Lou on occasion. That thought made his heart hurt, he didn’t think he’d make the same mistakes, but he was going to make mistakes. 

“I thought you were gay, and that girl, are you?” she asked, squinting her eyes hopefully.

“No mom, I was drunk, and I probably thought she was a dude,” Val scoffed, turning back to fold laundry, he should have known this conversation was coming. 

“I just, if you tried,” Lou said.

“Don’t,” Val said through clenched teeth. Lucy started to cry. Lou tried to soothe her, but Val reached for her, and Lucy calmed as soon as he had her. He gave her small kisses and shushed her and she settled into watching him with those big hazel eyes. “Hi,” Val greeted, smiling down at her. He slipped the binky into her mouth, and Lou started folding clothes.

“Do you really want her to grow up without a mother?” Lou asked. 

“She has Peter and me,” Val retorted, “and Gravely, and Paquet and a Gigi,” Val expanded.

“But what about a mother’s influence? What about when she gets older and needs a bra or starts her period,” Lou reasoned.

“Oh God Mom, don’t, she’s just a baby,” Val said, swaying with Lucy in his arms. 

“She won’t be forever, don’t you at least want to call Eileen?” Lou asked.

“Has she called you? Come around, even asked about Lucy?” Val snapped.

“Well, no,” Lou said, working on folding the blankets.

“Is that what you think she needs? You think she’s better off with Eileen, instead of Peter?” Val asked, and his voice was pained, he didn’t want to keep having this conversation. Lou would say she was fine with things, and then she’d circle back around to some insulting remark, comment or conversation and then not understand when Val was upset with her. “Peter is a cop, he has stepped up for Lucy, and he is supporting me. He loves us, and would do anything for us. Eileen would sell her for a bag of weed!” Val said exasperated. “What don’t you like about him”

“He’s nice,” Lou sighed, “but he’s not her father. Have you thought what it would be like for her at school? What other people might say? And some part of you liked Eileen,” Lou pointed out.

“This is who I am, this is what my family is going to look like. You need to decide if you want to be apart of it,” Val snapped, “The way it is, it’s not changing.”

Lou stiffened, “Okay Gregory, okay. I just,” she shook her head. “She’s really beautiful, you did good,” Lou said changing the conversation. 

“I know right, she is good looking just like me, lucky kid,” Val teased, he was still angry, but fighting with Lou upset Lucy, so he let it go. He wasn’t going to change, and apparently neither was Lou. He wondered what Lou would do if he told her the truth. He wasn’t curious enough to risk it. 

“We can take her to lunch,” Lou offered as she folded the last of the laundry.

“We promised to be Peter’s lunch date, but you can walk us out,” Val said, pulling together a diaper bag. 

“Are you sure you want to take her to a police station?” Lou asked, Val rolled his eyes. 

“Peter works a lot and we like to see him. I like to go in the daytime, I don’t like to have her out at night,” Val explained. 

“Of course,” Lou said, she kissed Lucy on the forehead, and then kissed Val’s cheek. “You’re better at this than I was, she’s very lucky.” Val ducked his head, but he smiled, he thought he might be better at it, but it was nice to hear it. “I was more like Eileen, you deserved better,” she whispered, her hand squeezing his for a moment. Val flicked his gaze up to watch her. “I’m really sorry.” 

“It’s okay,” Val whispered, he wasn’t sure if he meant it, but Lou looked so sad. She had really been trying the last several months. He supposed he also had her to thank for Lulu. If she hadn’t talked to Eileen and inadvertently scared her away from Blue, Eileen never would have accused Val of being the father, and he might not even know of his sister. It’s not like Blue and he were texting friends, or she might have just disappeared into foster care. In that moment, Val did forgive her a lot. Even if it was unintentional, she had created this little family for him. He kissed her on the cheek impulsively and hugged her.

“Thanks for the things you did do,” Val whispered in her ear as he held her. Lou hugged him back, completely misunderstanding, how could she know he meant Lucy. But he was grateful, and he owed it to Lou. 

Val loaded Lucy into her car seat and then into his car. Val had traded in his ‘communist car’ as Blue called it. He hadn’t planned to get a new car, but Lucy needed a lot of doctor appointments, and Peter couldn’t keep taking time off. Well, Peter would have, but Val felt guilty. So he’d dug into his savings and purchased a car. It was a four door sedan with lots of safety features, and anchors for the carseat. It wasn’t as great as his old car, but he felt safer driving Lulu.

As Val pulled into the police garage Lulu let out a loud wail. She still hated car rides, and could last about fifteen minutes. If he caught the traffic lights then Lulu didn’t rail at him, but he hadn’t today and their trip had bordered twenty minutes and she wasn’t having it. Val didn’t tell Lou the other reason he came during the day. After a quick lunch, Peter would take Lucy for awhile and he could crash on Backstrom’s couch. He just couldn’t catch up on sleep with this kid. Val pulled out her baby wrap, and then pulled Lulu from the car seat. She was far less miffed when he wrapped her into her favorite position against his chest. He tugged the cloth down so she could see, and then he gave her tiny kisses. She cooed softly, resting her head against him. He grabbed the bag and made his way upstairs. 

“Hey,” Peter called as they got off the elevator and he rushed to greet them. Lucy had officially ended all pretense of Peter and Val being ‘just friends’ at the station. Peter was way out of the closet, and rebuffed anyone who suggested anything sideways about Valentine. Val had quite the reputation for crime, understandably given his history, but no one looked at him twice anymore. 

“Come to Tatie,” Paquet cooed, reaching for Lulu. Val turned her over, and Lucy stared as Paquet cooed to her in French. Peter took the opportunity to really greet Val with hands and a kiss. Val leaned into his touch, but also kept an eye on Lucy. 

“I just didn’t picture myself ever having to compete with a girl for your affection,” Peter whispered playfully, as he stood behind Valentine, his hands around Val’s waist as they watched Paquet and Lucy. 

“She’s stolen my heart,” Val admitted, leaning back against Peter’s chest.

“Get some rest, we’ve got her.” Val didn’t have to be told twice, he dropped onto Backstrom’s couch and from his prone position kicked the door shut. He didn’t know which closed first, his eyes or the door. 

***

An hour later, Peter handed Lucy off to Val. Even though Val could easily swaddle her back into her baby wrap, Peter helped anyway, just for a little extra contact. They stood in Backstrom’s office and Peter’s hand drifted to Val’s face, he smiled and gave him a quick kiss. “I love you,” he said to Val, before patting Lucy’s back, dropping a kiss on her head and adding “you too little Miss. I’ll be home early,” Peter said, his hand sliding around Val’s back as they turned to leave.

“Early early, or early compared to how late you’ve been recently?” Val asked, wiping sleep from his eyes.

“Early comparatively,” Peter sighed. “I’ll grab take out on the way home.” Val smiled, kissing him over Lucy’s head. Val stiffened and it felt like his blood had run cold, in fact he felt quite boneless as his eyes tracked a familiar figure across the station. Val’s breathing went shallow fast.

“Val?” Peter asked as he followed his gaze, and they both saw Sheriff Blue Backstrom headed for Everett’s office. 

“What’s, why’s he,” Val couldn’t get the question out, he had to make himself not squeeze Lucy too tight as he shook his head slightly.

Blue made a disappointed face as he saw them. “Spunky, Pete,” Blue greeted standing in the doorway. Val still couldn’t speak his throat was dry. “Where’s my son?”

“I assume you mean the other one,” Val said snarkily. 

“I said my son, not my daughter,” Blue quipped. Val had to steady his breathing, Blue meant him, he realized after a moment, Val probably would have guessed that sooner if Val wasn’t holding Blue’s actual daughter in his arms. “What do you have there? Did someone trust you with their baby?” Blue asked, incredulous.

“She’s ours,” Peter said defensively.

“Pete, you’re a man of science, we both know that’s not possible.”

“You know what I mean,” Peter said. Val felt Peter’s hand on his lower back, gentle comforting fingers. 

“I’m not a grandfather,” Blue said immediately.

“Agreed,” Val said. Blue seemed irritated, even though he was the one who started by saying he didn’t want to be her grandfather. Blue didn’t expect Val to object did he? 

“You wouldn’t be so disrespectful if I raised you,” Blue muttered, and he hitched his thumbs into his belt. 

“You wouldn’t have use of both your arms, or a full set of teeth if I was raised by you,” Val spat back with narrowed eyes. 

“You think you could take me?” Blue asked arching his eyebrows.

“You’re not the first asshole I’ve dealt with,” Val said with narrowed eyes. Val knew about Blue pistol whipping Everett, belittling him, beating him, Val hated Blue. Blue was a giant bully, and Val couldn’t wait for Blue’s murder trial and for Blue to get put in jail. It was a joke that he was out on bail. “Rot in hell old man,” Val said, stepping around Blue.

“Careful,” Blue said, putting his hand on Val’s arm, threatening.

“Watch your hands,” Peter snapped, moving forwards.

“Watch your mouth,” Blue snapped at Valentine.

“Or you’ll murder me and leave me at the pearly gates?” Val whispered harshly.

“Fags don’t get to the pearly gates,” Blue hissed back. Val shrugged off his arm. “You girls have fun,” Blue said flippantly. “I’ll wait here for my son.” He emphasized the last word, as if Blue’s opinion mattered to Val. Blue came in and made himself comfortable in Backstrom’s office, as Peter and Val made their way out. They hit the elevator, and Val leaned heavily against Peter.

“Do you think he knows anything?” Val asked panicked, his hand going to his mouth. 

“No, he’s here to see Backstrom, that’s all,” But Peter sounded like he was convincing himself.

“Maybe we should run?” Peter pulled Val into his arms, mindful of the baby between them.

“He doesn’t know anything, don’t worry, we’ll take care of it if he does find out,” Peter promised. Lucy started to stir as panic shot through Valentine, he felt sweaty, and a strong desire to run. “Val, we’re okay, just calm down.”

“I won’t let him take her,” Val promised, and it felt like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the elevator. Peter wrapped his arms around both of them, careful of Lulu between them. 

“He’s not going to, he’s just here to mess with your brother. Please calm down,” Peter encouraged. Lucy began sniffling, and pulling at Val’s shirt, she looked up at him anxiously. “For Lucy, she needs you to be calm,” Peter tried. Val wiped at his eyes which felt moist but he definitely wasn’t crying.

“It’s okay,” Val cooed, and swayed with her, nuzzling her with little kisses and soft hands. “Everything’s fine, daddy’s here,” Val soothed. It was the first time Val had referred to himself as daddy and it felt right. He was worried about her feeling lied to or betrayed when she was older and found out he was just her brother, but she needed him right now, and she needed a father. Peter walked him to the car.

“I’ll find out why he’s really here,” Peter said and he kissed Valentine goodbye. Val couldn’t get out of the garage fast enough, Cooch County was too close as far as he was concerned and Blue being here was unsettling. Val took several calming breaths, well aware he was responsible for the tiny little girl in the backseat and he had to drive safely. 

Val made it home in just under twenty minutes, but Lucy was still pissed and wailing loudly. Val blamed himself, she was probably picking up on his stress and anxiety. He pulled her from her carseat and tucked her to his chest, singing some of her favorite songs to her softly. She was a big fan of eighties rock music and metal. She particularly liked the Sound of Silence which was ironic since she was so loud. 

Val grabbed some towels, clothes, soap and washcloths and took her to the sink. He put her little bathing flower in the sink, and then ran some water, dropping in the ducky thermometer. He held her as he adjusted the thermostat a few degrees higher, and then he undressed her and put her on her flower bath mat in the sink. Lulu watched him her big eyes so loving and trusting. It made Val’s chest ache. “I won’t let anybody hurt you okay, and I won’t let anybody take you from me, I’ve got you,” Val promised, gentle hands rubbing soap on her. 

Images from Val’s childhood haunted him, when he was four years old, child services dragging him out from under his bed as the police arrested Lou. Val had fought back, tried to help his mom, but he was too small. He couldn’t imagine putting Lucy through that. The foster parents sucked too, and maybe that was his own fault he thought, he was angry and uncooperative, but he hadn’t asked for any of it. Being in a strange bedroom with people he didn’t know, images of Lou’s tear soaked face keeping him awake at night. Feeling like he should have been able to protect her. Val shoved the thoughts from his mind and focused on Lucy. 

Lulu was so soft, and small. She’d already been through so much, and while he imagined he could have picked out a hundred better parents for her, she had ended up with him. What he lacked in skill, he made up for in love, and he hoped that was enough. “I love you,” he said again, and she cooed at him, blowing bubbles. Val smiled wide, “and you love me. Do you want me to be your dad?” Lucy’s arms flailed in the water, as she laughed, and blinked against the water splashing into her eyes. “I gotta be honest, you could probably do a lot better,” Val said. Lucy giggled waving her little hands, and trying to catch Val’s face. He kissed her little hands and she gurgled with more laughter. She did own him, and he didn’t care at all.

Val rinsed her and then tucked her into her fluffy warm towel, taking her to her changing table, and drying her off. He rubbed lotion on her and then put her in her diaper and sleeper. “Is that better?” he asked, and he smelled her hair, like lavender from the soap. He sat on the couch and brushed out her hair. He put a warm hat with a purple bow on her head, mindful that she needed extra heat. “You’re beautiful, you know? You got my good looks, lucky baby,” he teased her, and she smiled sleepily, her mouth trying to catch his fingers, when she got them, she jammed a knuckle in her mouth and gnawed away, her little tongue flopping around, looking for milk. “Hungry, ready for bed?” Val asked. He took her into the kitchen, and made her a bottle. Then he read to her from one of the many board books they had. She yawned several times, and then fell asleep while he patted her back. He laid her gently in her crib.

Val watched her sleep for a few minutes, she was so small. He touched her cheek and stroked her hair, and she was doing so well with him. Even he couldn’t have predicted it would go this well. It was hard, really hard sometimes, but somehow, he could just do it. Val was reluctant to leave her, but he left the door open, and cleaned up after her bath. Without her, he was sinking back into despair. He picked up her outfit and smelled, her clothes never really smelled dirty, just a cute baby smell. What would he do if Blue took her? His chest squeezed painfully and he felt his throat constrict as tears stung his eyes. It had been a few short months, and already he couldn’t live without her. “I didn’t even want kids,” Val groused to himself, putting her clothes in the laundry, hanging her bath mat to dry, and wiping out the sink. It would be just like the universe to give her to him and then take her away. He hated Blue so much in that moment. 

Val picked up his cell phone and dialed a familiar number. He requested two passports, one for him, and one for Lucy. If he had to run, he couldn’t take Peter. He knew Peter would go, and he wanted Peter to run with them, but it wasn’t fair to ruin Peter’s life too. Val agreed to drop off some photos later for the passports, and then hung up. 

Val packed two bags full of clothes, diapers, toys, wipes, powdered formula, bottles, binkies, cash, and then hid the bags in the back of the closet. He needed to be ready any minute to get out of there. He’d go by the bank later and get more cash, just in case, and then he’d add their passports. He’d get a license plate too in case he needed to steal a car and swap the plates out. He printed two maps, and studied different routes to Canada, and Mexico, and added those to the bag. He’d get a burner phone the next time he was out and add that too. Now he felt a bit of relief that he had a back up plan. He hoped he wouldn’t need it, he would be devastated to leave Peter, but he had to keep Lucy safe. 

Val jumped when Peter’s key hit the lock, and he made his way out to hallway. “So?” Val asked impatiently. 

“He was just there to antagonize your brother,” Peter said. “His trial is coming up and he wanted your brother to testify on his behalf.”

Val laughed, “fat chance,” Val said, but he did feel relieved. 

“Your brother said pretty much the same thing,” Peter said, pulling Val into his arms, kissing him. Val relaxed in his hold and opened his mouth, kissing back fiercely, his hands started to push Peter’s jacket off, and Val found himself pressed against the wall, shedding clothes as quickly as he could. “Feels so good,” Peter was murmuring as his hands and mouth explored the flesh before him. Peter’s erection was pressed against Val, and Val was just about to remove his boxers when a loud wail sounded from the bedroom, making him hesitate, and then press his head back against the wall with an exasperated look and sigh.

Peter sighed as well, “she always knows,” he teased, stepping back and redoing the buttons on his pants. Val threw a longing look at Peter, before he pulled his shirt back on and went to retrieve her. Val changed her diaper and then carried her to the hallway. Peter was in sweats and a t-shirt by the time Val returned. “Hi Lucy,” he called holding out his arms. Lulu looked between them, and then shot a Val a look which they both interpreted as ‘don’t go far’. “Come see your other - lesser daddy,” Peter encouraged playfully. He held her, giving her kisses, dropping onto the couch, and asking about her day. She kept looking around to find Val, and when she did make eye contact, then she would go back to looking at Peter. Val dropped down beside them on the couch and Lucy reached for him.

“Come here, you’ve ruined our good time you’re lucky you’re so cute,” Val teased, pulling her into his arms. She smiled and cooed at him, grabbing at his face, her fingers squeezing his face where she encountered stubble. She stared at the hairs there, her eyes wide and curious. “What’d you find, it’s my same face,” Val teased, as she continued to stare as if she’d never seen him before. 

“She’s not shy about her favorites,” Peter said, leaning against Val’s shoulder, and holding out his hand. Lucy grabbed a knuckle and pulled Peter’s hand to her mouth to gnaw, her little gums biting down.

“I mean, it is me afterall,” Val teased, flashing a smile at Peter. “You’re not,” Val asked, tilting his head away, “you’re not jealous are you? You don’t resent her, the social workers said sometimes parents can get jealous,” Val explained, but Peter cut him off tilting his head back towards him.

“No, I am not jealous of a baby. I don’t care if she prefers you, or interupts our sex life all the time. We weren’t supposed to have her at all, and she’s a gift, I appreciate having her even if she takes some of your time. I love watching you with her, I love the way she calms immediately when you have her. I just fall more and more in love with you and her,” Peter finished, sincerity in his eyes. Val swallowed, and his breath stuttered for a moment, it was overwhelming and he felt like crying for a moment, not sure why, out of happiness? He couldn’t assimilate all of that emotion and formulate a response. Peter kissed him, and Lucy bit down harder on Peter’s knuckle.

“Hey,” Peter chastised with a laugh, “I don’t think she wants to share you,” Peter said looking at Val. 

“Can you blame her?” Val asked, tilting his head to look at Peter. He stared into their hazel depths. There was so much love there. Val’s heart did a strange squeeze, remembering a different face staring at him with love and a small amount of insanity as a cigarette pressed into Val’s chest. Val shook the image from his mind, his boogey man was dead, and Peter did love him. Without pain, without burns, unconditionally. “I love you,” Val said, and Peter smiled, his hand going to Val’s jaw, his mouth closing on Val’s. Lucy bit down again.

“Ouch,” Peter said playfully against Val’s mouth, but didn’t stop kissing him.

***

Val made his way to Lou’s apartment. He’d received a text from his mom stating that Eileen was at her place and needed to talk to Val. Val had left Lucy with Peter, and made his way to his mom’s. His heart hammering in his chest. Seeing Blue the previous week and now hearing from Eileen seemed like bad omens. Eileen and Lou were sitting on Lou’s porch. Lou had bought a small house in a decent neighborhood. It only had one bedroom, and a tiny yard, but it was hers. Val got out of his car and approached them. 

Eileen looked rough, agitated, she was twitching. None of that was a good sign. She actually looked worse than she had in full labor at the hospital. Her hair was dirtier, stringy, tangled, she was thinner, her arms and face had marks. “I need to talk to you alone!” she snapped, crossing her arms and staring at Val. Lou raised her eyebrows, but disappeared into the house. Eileen walked up to him, her face close to his, “I need money,” she said, and she was digging at her arms.

“What?” Val asked.

“Give me money or I’ll tell,” Eileen started.

“Shh,” Val hushed her. Sure his mom was inside, but voices had a way of carrying. “I don’t have money.”

“Get it, your boyfriend is rich,” Eileen snapped.

“He’s a cop, not rich. Look, Eileen,” Val said.

“I want money, or I’ll call Blue,” she threatened in a hiss. Val licked his lips. He’d give her money, no problem. But, he knew how this game worked. She’d keep coming back until he didn’t have any, and then she’d sell him out. Val put his hands in his hoodie pockets.

“Would you let me help you instead,” Val offered.

“I know what I need,” she said hatefully. Val recognized the anger of withdrawal and desperation. 

“She’s happy, healthy, cute,” Val tried instead, he pulled out his phone and tried to show her a picture, but she wouldn’t look.

“I don’t care about that, I need money,” she demanded.

“I don’t work and I take care of Lucy,” Val tried to reason. “I don’t have money.” 

“Sell some of her toys,” Eileen said crossing her arms, “or some of yours, I don’t care. You owe me,” she demanded irrationally. 

“For what?” Val asked. 

“Your mom says you like the baby, I gave her to you, and you haven’t done anything for me,” Eileen argued.

“You begged me to take her,” Val reminded her.

“Get me two hundred dollars by tonight, or I’m calling,” and she held up her cell phone showing him a contact named Blue. 

“Okay,” Val said, “let me see what I can do. Where can I meet you?”

“Give it to your mom,” she demanded. She stomped off then, and Val watched her go.

Val walked up to the porch and Lou came outside. “Did she want to see Lucy?” Lou asked hopefully.

“She demanded two hundred dollars or she’d fight for custody,” Val lied a little. The sentiment was the same, basically. 

“Are you sure?” Lou asked.

“Yes, I know when I’m being blackmailed. Can I borrow two hundred dollars?” Val asked. He could get the money, but if Lou would just give it to her, Val didn’t have to come back tonight. “Could you also do me a favor?” Val asked.

“What honey?” Lou asked, a long suffering sigh to her tone. Val’s eyebrows shot up at ‘honey’ he guessed they were doing that now. 

“Can you just give her the money, I’ll deposit into your account tomorrow. But, next time she comes around, tell her you can’t reach me.”

“Val, you kids are going to have to learn to work together for Lucy’s sake,” Lou said, her hand reaching out to try and touch Val’s shoulder, but he stepped back.

“She didn’t even ask about her, wouldn’t look at a picture. She doesn’t want Lucy, and continuing to have a relationship with her jeopardizes Lucy’s safety,” Val explained.

“You should have thought about that before you slept with her,” Lou admonished, crossing her arms. Val put his head down, pressing his lips together. Lou was relishing this new found mistake of Val’s. He didn’t care though, let her think what she wanted. It’s not like Val thought he was perfect, but for some reason this belief that he had fathered a child on a one night stand gave her a superiority complex. Perhaps it justified, in her mind,the mistake she’d made by having him.

“Please mom,” Val asked. Lou softened then, dropping her arms. 

“Yes, of course I’ll help you,” she sighed. 

***

Val deposited the money into Lou’s account, and hoped he wouldn’t hear from Eileen again. It seemed unlikely, but he needed to think about what to do. He hadn’t told Peter about Eileen, or the money. If Val did get pinched for kidnapping, he didn’t want to drag Peter down with him. He’d take the fall alone, and say Peter didn’t know. Val didn’t even care about jail, but the idea of Lulu not being with him, being with Blue or in foster care. He couldn’t think about it, it made his chest ache and twist like there were a thousand knives in it. 

Val pulled Lulu to his chest, and nuzzled her. Lulu continued to make strides in her progress, she was growing and gaining weight as she should. She was growing fast, still tiny for her age, but she was thriving in their home. It felt so right having her. Val lifted Lulu over his head, and she squealed, he pulled her back down, using a hand to support her neck, “what shall we do today?” Val asked her, moving around the room with her. “Should we go see Uncle Backstrom?” Val asked, “he’s summoned us to the barge, do you want to go on a boat?” Val pulled on Lulu’s coat and securing her hat to her head. Her brown hair stuck out from under the cap, she had quite the head of hair. 

Val drove them to the barge, and then made his way down to see his brother. He didn’t bother to knock as he and Lulu made their way inside. Backstrom was watching television, slouched in his favorite chair, drinking a beer. He rolled his eyes when they came in. Backstorm set his beer down, and held out his hands for the baby. 

“Wash your hands,” Val chastised, and Backstrom rolled his eyes harder, but he got up and washed his hands. Val handed Lucy over and Backstrom cooed at her, but shot Val dirty looks. Backstrom was surprisingly good with babies, or at least with Lucy. He cooed at her, but seemed embarrassed by it too. 

“Who’s your favorite uncle?” Backstrom asked her in a high pitched voice and Lucy’s eyes went big and she smiled. 

“The competition isn’t exactly overwhelming,” Val muttered.

“I’m going to buy you a drum set, and tamborine,” Backstrom promised with a snarky look in Val’s direction. Backstrom was quickly becoming wrapped around her finger. For such a tiny baby she certainly made the adults in her life march to her tune. Backstrom tucked her into his elbow and sat back in front of the tv. Backstrom grabbed his beer, and Lucy tried to grab the bottle too. “Your dad says we can’t share bottles, yes he did, he said nono,” Backstrom said moving the bottle out of her reach. Val sighed, and prepared a bottle for Lucy.

“Have you heard from Blue?” Val asked, giving Backstrom her bottle. His brother slid the bottle into Lucy’s mouth. Without looking away, he addressed Valentine.

“A little, but not about her. He’s pissed about the trial,” Backstrom said in a sing songy voice. Val licked his lips, and sighed. 

“I’ll feel better when he’s in jail,” Val said, watching Backstrom, “tilt the bottle more.”

“Your dad is an expert parent now,” Backstrom teased. “That envelope is for you,” Backstrom said gesturing to the mantle.

Val got up and took it, “who’s it from?”

“Me,” Backstrom said. Val opened it and there was a couple hundred dollars in it.

“For what?” Val asked, holding up the money.

“For whatever trouble you are in,” Backstrom said still looking at Lucy.

“What are you talking about?”

“I ran into Mark Brady at the police station,” Backstrom said, his eyes flicking to Val for a moment. 

“Oh,” Val said, looking away and sitting back down. “Is he in trouble?”

“No, not now. He traded me information about my brother for help,” Backstrom said smugly. “He said you asked him to forge some documents,” Backstrom noted, his tone neutral, but Val felt the invisible trap closing around him. 

Val sighed and rolled his head back. “He’s a con man,” Val said with wide exasperated eyes.

“Yes, I know,” Backstrom said, “that’s why I had him give me these,” Backstrom said, removing a separate manilla envelope. Val opened it and saw two passports, a birth certificate for Lucy, and an id for Val. “He’s very good,” Backstrom remarked putting Lucy to his shoulder and rubbing her back. 

“It’s just a precaution,” Val said, “did you tell Peter?” 

“Bros before hoes,” Backstrom said.

“Where does Peter fit into that? I’m pretty sure I’m the bro and the hoe,” Val said sullenly.

“Good we agree, Peter is never on the list of people I confide in,” Backstrom smirked. 

“So no?”

“So, no,” Backstrom confirmed nodding. 

“Eileen wanted money or she was going to tell Blue. I paid her, but eventually I’m not going to be able to,” Val sighed. “And when that happens, she’ll tell Blue. And they might try to take her.” Just saying it out loud added a layer of reality that made Val feel sick. He might not be able to protect her. Backstrom nodded. 

“You knew the risks,” Backstrom reminded him. Val felt his eyes stinging.

“What else was I supposed to do?” Val demanded. Backstrom shrugged. 

“If you’re going to run, call me first. Maybe I can help,” Backstrom said. Val scoffed. 

“It’ll just make things bad for you and Peter, I shouldn’t have told you,” Val said, staring at the ceiling. 

“Val,” Backstrom said softly.

“What?” Val asked, exasperated, running his hand through his hair. 

“I know I haven’t been great, but you’re my brother, and I lov..like you. A lot. I want you and Lucy in my life, and I’m even willing to put up with Noodlemayer,” Backstrom said and then he took a swig of his beer. Val smiled and sat up.

“Thanks,” Val said.

“I mean it. You’re not alone anymore,” Backstrom said and Val crossed his arms, growing uncomfortable with the conversation. “You could talk to Peter too. I know he’d help. If you tell him I said that, I’ll shoot him,” Backstrom said swallowing more beer, and putting Lucy in the crook of his arm so he could feed her more of her bottle. 

***

Val answered the front door, and the last person he expected to see was Blue Backstrom. “What?” Val snapped.

“I came to see my daughter,” Blue smirked.

“You’ve seen me, you can go,” Val said with wide eyes, starting to shut the door. Blue shoved his foot in the way. 

“No, my other daughter,” Blue smiled. Val’s face fell, his heart slammed in his chest, his veins were pumping ice. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Val stammered.

“I talked with your mom the other day. She told me that Eileen was the mother, strange coincidence, especially since you’re,” Blue gestured to him, making an unkind face. “So I visited Eileen, and she confirmed the baby’s mine,” Blue said and he made his way in. Val was backing up but he kept his arms at his side, there was no way he was letting Blue take the baby. 

“She’s not yours,” Val said firmly. 

Blue shut the door and pursued Val down the hallway, slowly, stalking his prey was the sense Val had. “Eileen said you really like her,” Blue taunted. 

“I won't let you take her,” Val said, and his voice only wavered a little. He could possibly stop Blue, but the minute Blue went to the police and had a DNA test Val would be sunk. But he’d be in Mexico or Canada by then, he’d run as soon as Blue left. 

“Relax,” Blue said, gesturing to the dining room table. “I don’t want her, let’s talk.” Val followed him to the table, not trusting Blue. Val crossed his arms over his chest. “Do you really want to keep her?” Blue asked. Val wasn’t sure how he should answer, should he deny how much she meant to him? Should he offer his soul? What answer would appease Blue?

“I want to keep her,” Val swallowed hard.

“I don’t want to go to jail,” Blue countered. 

“What can I do about it?” Val asked, “even if I talk to Backstorm, he’s not on the investigation.”

“But if I had an alibi,” Blue shrugged. 

“You want me to lie for you?” Val clarified. “Say you were with me when Norwest was murdered?”

“In exchange, I’ll waive my rights you keep her. If you don’t, I get a DNA test and an officer. She’ll go into foster care, and you’ll go to jail for kidnapping. Maybe you and me will be cell mates, make up for lost time,” Blue threatened. 

“Deal,” Val said, that was actually easy. Everett would be pissed, but he’d understand. 

“One more thing,” Blue said, and he stood. His eyes were sharp and dark. “You’ve disrespected me on several occasions, and I will not tolerate that.” 

“You want me to apologize?” Val asked, and managed not to roll his eyes. 

Blue was reaching for his belt, “No, I want to teach you a lesson.” Val’s breath caught and he felt angry. His fists clenched, Val wasn’t really a lay back and take it kind of guy, even when it would have been smart. “I’ll take her away, or you can take your punishment.” 

Val stared for a long time, anger eating away at him, but also fear. For Lucy? A few flicks of a belt? He could do that in his sleep. Blue held out a piece of paper, and Val took it. It was a release of Blue’s paternal rights. Val’s heart swelled and plummeted. He could keep her, if he provided an alibi and let Blue vent some rage. “Okay,” Val said. “But you leave after, you don’t come back and bother us.”

“Nobody wants to bother you, nobody wants you at all,” Blue said, as he pulled his belt from the loops. “Your mother told me she was pregnant with you, she asked for money for an abortion and I gave it to her,” Blue said nodding. “Imagine my surprise when you and Everett dropped that information on me.” Blue folded the belt in half. “I talked to her about it when I saw her earlier, did you know she spent the money on drugs? You’re here because she couldn’t resist a fix.” 

“Is my punishment you talking, cause I prefer the belt,” Val said sardonically, tilting his head and rolling his eyes. Lou hadn’t been shy about informing Val she hadn’t wanted a child, especially with Blue. She hadn’t mentioned the abortion money, and she had said she had grown to love him and was glad she had him, but Blue wasn’t dropping any major bombshells...though a small part of Val’s heart hurt at the information.

“Take off your shirt, face the wall,” Blue said. Val locked eyes with him for a moment and removed his hoodie and peeled off his shirt. He turned to face the wall, which was probably the harder part. His instinct was not to turn his back on danger. Blue didn’t hesitate, the belt fell fast and hard, and Val gasped, before he bit his cheeks. The second hit was painful but Val braced himself, pressing his hands firmly against the wall. He had to quell the urge to turn around and fight back. Blue was surprisingly strong for his age and the fourth lash had Val drop to one knee, It really hurt, and he clenched his teeth. Val bit his own arm on belt stroke ten as the urge to cry out was almost overwhelming. Val was on the ground, huddled against the wall, covering his head, breathing harshly trying to keep quiet. His back and arms had red welts, and one strike had broken skin. Val wouldn’t scream, didn’t want to wake Lucy, wasn’t sure if Blue knew she was in the apartment, another part of him, not wanting to give Blue the satisfaction. 

The strikes stopped suddenly, and Val took several shaky breaths. He turned to look at Blue, and Blue’s fist came down on his jaw. Val fell to the ground catching himself on all fours, and he nearly sprang to his feet to strike back, but he didn’t. “This should be a familiar phrase, on your knees,” Blue said. Val forced himself to press up. His back hurt and he was coiled to fight. He had to curb his instincts. Blue backhanded him in the face. “You’re tougher than your brother, he was a crybaby.” Val wanted to respond, wanted to shred Blue back verbally, and physically, but it would only make things worse. Val wanted that paperwork. “Apologize,” Blue said.

“I’m sorry,” Val said automatically.

“Sir,” Blue said.

Val swallowed, “I’m sorry, Sir,” he said, and it was difficult with his naturally mocking face to sound sincere. 

Blue started looping his belt back. “My lawyer will call you, I expect you to follow through.”

“I expect you to follow through,” Val said, and then emotion entered his voice, Lucy, anything for Lucy.

“I don’t want her, no one wants whore kids except whores. Look at you, what do you think she’s going to be when she grows up?” Blue said, settling his cowboy hat on his own head. “Your mother was a junky whore, you’re a junky whore, why would anybody want her?” Val shook with rage then, he didn’t care what Blue said about him, but his mother - and then Lucy. Val bit his teeth together hard. Blue’s opinion didn’t matter, Lucy was going to be fine. Even if she was a junky and a whore, Val planned to love her anyway. 

“Then we’re agreed, you don’t want her and I do. I never want to see you again, just your lawyer,” Val said. Blue regarded him for a few minutes. 

“I hate to admit it, but that grit, you probably get from me. At least you got something worthwhile,” Blue said, and he turned, striding in his cowboy way. Val heard the front door close, and he dropped back on his legs, he buried his face in his hands. The adrenaline was ebbing and fear was gripping him, and the pain was starting to become more prominent. Val pushed his way to his feet, grabbing his hoodie and his shirt. He felt liquid, and reached up to touch his face. He was bleeding, and he wiped the blood away. He started down the hallway, he was going to lock the door, but he heard voices, and then Peter and Backstrom were coming in.

Val jumped nearly out of his skin, and they seemed startled as well. “Christ, what the hell happened to you?” Backstrom asked, moving forward. Peter was faster and he was grabbing Val’s chin, and looking at him. 

“What happened?” Peter asked, gentle fingers feeling along his cheek, eye and nose. 

“What the fuck happened?” Backstrom asked, as he moved past Valentine and caught sight of his back. Peter leaned over, and paled.

“What is going on?” Peter asked, “is Lucy okay?” Peter looked even more panicked.

“Yes, please both of you lower your voices, everything is fine,” Val sighed.

“Fine? No, this isn’t fine, what the fuck happened,” Peter asked, shaking his head, his fingers now exploring Val’s back.

“Wait here, just one minute,” Val said, and he disappeared back into the dining room. He returned with the paperwork and gave it to Peter. 

“I don’t understand,” Peter said, as Backstrom plucked the paper from his hands.

“I made a deal,” Val said, and his voice broke a little. “Blue knows about Lucy, so in exchange for an alibi and allowing him to punish me for mouthing off to him, I get to keep her,” Val said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Blue did this, and you agreed to let him hit you?” Peter asked slowly, his hands on his hips.

“Yes, and we get to keep Lucy. We don’t have to worry about Blue finding out,” Val nodded. 

“What alibi?” Backstrom asked. Val turned towards his brother swallowing hard, his head angled down, but he met Backstrom’s eyes. 

“I say he was with me when Norwest was killed,” Val said. “I had to, he was going to take her.” 

Val had expected an outburst or a fight, but Backstrom was watching him, staring intently. “It’s okay if you’re mad,” Val whispered. Backstrom came forward and hugged him, his hands wrapping around Val’s neck so as not to go across his back.

“You are a good brother,” Backstrom whispered, and Val hugged him back. Val buried his face for one minute, feeling safe, feeling like he had a family. Peter was there, his hand on Val’s arm, and Backstrom released him, and Peter had his turn. 

“And boyfriend, and father,” Peter said, and Val breathed him in. So many compliments he never thought he’d hear in his lifetime. Peter kissed his head, and his brow. “No more though, if anything else comes up, if Blue comes here, I want to be here.” Val shrugged, he couldn’t promise that, he’d do anything to protect Lucy, Peter and Backstrom. 

Peter cleaned Val’s wounds and got ice on his back, and pain relievers in his system. Lucy slept on, oblivious to the danger that had come and gone. Backstrom stayed, wanting to sleep on the couch, not sure their father wouldn’t come back. Val thought maybe Backstrom wanted to stay because he was worried. He was never going to say that, but he seemed awkward and uncomfortable, he wasn’t meeting Val’s eyes. Val didn’t care, he felt better with Backstrom around. 

Peter was just finishing dinner when there was a knock at the door. Peter answered it, and Val didn’t miss Peter putting his hand behind his back where he kept a gun tucked into a holster. Val shifted nervously, until he recognized Lou’s voice. 

“You lied to me,” Lou said rounding the corner. Val looked up at her. 

“You’re going to have to be more specific, I’ve lied to you a lot,” Val quipped, maybe he was trying to be funny, but it was also true.

“Blue called me,” she snapped. “You can’t keep that baby,” she said, hands on her hips.

“‘That’ baby? Don’t talk about Lucy like that,” Val snapped.

“She’s not yours,” Lou said.

“This is not a conversation we are having or that concerns you,” Val snapped back, rising from his spot. 

“A baby is a lot of responsibility,” Lou said angrily.

“A few weeks ago, I was a great parent, now I can’t do it?” Val quipped. Val was moving closer to her, and Peter and Backstrom were disappearing from the room. 

“She’s not yours, what happens when it gets hard?” Lou asked, “you don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

“Nothing has changed for me. I knew when I agreed to take her she wasn’t mine. I still love her.”

“Right now,” Lou said, “but it gets a lot harder. You have no idea what it’s like to be a real parent.”

“Like you?” Val asked, and hurt crept into his voice then.

“I did the best I could,” Lou said, her eyes flashing angry.

“Sure,” Val said with a shrug. “But your best sucked.”

“What are you talking about, we had food, a roof over our heads, I didn’t make you turn tricks or do drugs, you did that on your own when you ran away,” Lou defended.

“Also true. But you weren’t there for me.”

“What are you talking about? You were always with me.”

“You didn’t take care of me or protect me, you were in my general vicinity a lot, but you weren’t with me, you didn’t look out for me,” Val whispered. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lou said, shaking her head, and taking a step back.

“Because there have been so many times you can’t figure out which one I’m talking about, or are you denying everything?” Val asked, his arms going more tightly around his chest. 

“You have no idea what I sacrificed to take care of you, what I had to do for us to survive,” Lou cautioned him. 

“But you do know what I had to do?” Val asked, eyebrow arched.

“You’re not making any sense,” Lou said, and her tone wavered suggesting he was making a lot of sense.

“Let’s just pick one, how about Mitch?” Val asked.

“Mitch took us in, and we had a nice place to stay, and he was good with you, he spent a lot of time with you,” Lou said, but her words were softer, her eyes held the hint of fear. Val laughed, and he felt his throat constrict. They’d never spoken about this, and Val didn’t like to remember, the past slugging through his brain, sucking images out of the black abyss he’d banished them too.

“In exchange for,” Val trailed off. Lou shook her head.

“For nothing, we were a couple.”

“You know what he did,” Val whispered, not wanting Peter or Backstrom to hear.

“He told me that you had flirted with him,” Lou responded, “but that he wasn’t angry. He said it was normal to be curious, especially for a teenager.” 

“You know he used to come to my room at night,” Val said, leaning in even closer.

“To talk to you, to bond with you, he genuinely wanted to be your father,” Lou said, throwing out her hands in exasperation, “he told me how sad he was to have missed your childhood years.”

“Bond?” Val asked, and tears were stinging his eyes. “He fucked me, every way he could, whether I wanted to or not,” Val hissed, his fingers digging into his own arms.

“I don’t believe you, and even if it is true, I didn’t know, why didn’t you tell me?” Lou volleyed back. 

“He would hold me down and cover my mouth, and touch me.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, crossing her own arms.

“I was crying, and he was being so loud, the whole bed was shaking, you heard him. I heard you in the other room watching television, ignoring everything.”

“I didn’t know,” Lou said.

“One morning after it happened, when I came out of my room, hurt, marks on my mouth and face, do you remember what you said to me?” Val demanded. Lou shook her head. “You said I was getting older and needed to dress less provocatively, that I should lock my door at night, that I shouldn’t tease people.” 

“That’s just good advice, it wasn’t because I thought,” Lou denied, but she didn’t sound convincing. 

“He didn’t even try to hide it later, how many times did he follow me into the shower, or just spend the night in my room?” Val asked. “Even he realized you didn’t care what he did, so long as we could stay.”

“You’re making this up, Mitch was good to us, you even had your own room for the first time,” Lou reminded him.

“I didn’t have my own room, I didn’t have anything that was mine, not even,” and Val gestured to his whole body in general. Lou’s hands went to her face, and she covered her eyes. 

“You don’t understand,” Lou said shaking her head. “I was trying, but it was hard. You were a difficult baby, you cried all the time. No one wanted us. Social workers had taken you several times, we needed something stable,” Lou said turning to face him and she was tearful. “Nothing I did made you happy, you would cry for hours, and I’d have to work, I didn’t get any sleep. It was hard to keep food in the house and a roof over our heads. For years I was killing myself and it didn’t matter. You were a difficult teenager too, and I didn’t have any help or a break until you were fifteen! Mitch was helping out, and Mitch loved us,” Lou pleaded.

“I locked him out, like you said,” Val explained, his chest tightening. “For four days, and then he sent you to see your mom. You didn’t tell me you were leaving, or I wouldn’t have come home, but he waited for me. He was so angry, and he was so rough,” Val’s voice broke, as the memory washed over him. “The whole time, he whispered in my ear that it was my fault, because I’d left him so hard for so long, he couldn’t be gentle, he wanted to, but I’d forced him to be rough is what he said. When he finished I was bleeding, it hurt to walk,” Val said, and he could feel snot running down his nose, and he wiped at tears in his eyes. 

“He came back the next night, and I begged him not to, I hurt so badly, and do you know what he did?” Lou shook her head, and Val continued. “He apologized, he said he knew he’d been rough and that he was sorry. He held me for a minute and I thought he wasn’t so bad,” Val swallowed hard. “He hurt me to begin with but I was grateful that he was being so fucking nice, how fucked up is that? It felt like he really cared, and what the fuck did I know about people caring?” Val asked, his eyes narrowed, he clenched his teeth. “He said we didn’t need to do that, and I was so relieved, but he sat on the edge of the bed and pushed me to my knees on the floor. He made me blow him, held my head in place until he came, and even when I gagged, he demanded that I swallow and held my head on his dick until I did. And then blow jobs were a thing we did. I got really good at them, because he berated me and hurt me when I wasn’t good,” Val told her, “and you didn’t care.” 

“You didn’t tell me,” Lou accused. “I didn’t know.”

“Are you serious?” Val asked, and it hurt more that she denied it. He felt like he could forgive her, but she denied it and what she didn’t deny she blamed him for, and that hurt. 

“Parenting doesn’t come with a manual!” Lou snapped.

“Really?” Peter asked softly from the doorway, his voice pained. “You needed a manual to tell you not to let anyone rape your son? That was the missing piece?” Peter looked angry and sad as his gaze flicked to Valentine. Val felt shame burn through him, he hadn’t told anyone, including Peter about these parts of his childhood, and he hadn’t realized he and Lou had started shouting at each other. 

“Lou?” Backstrom asked, and there was accusation in his tone. Val wiped at his face.

“Forget it,” Val said. 

“I’m sorry okay?” Lou said, throwing her hands up. Val looked down then, a hollow feeling making him feel dizzy.

“You’re horrible,” Peter accused her.

“Stop, just forget about it,” Val pleaded. 

“Val,” Lou said, and she took a step towards him, but he held up his hands and stepped back.

“Look, if you hadn’t screwed up so badly, you wouldn’t have dropped me at Backstrom’s and I wouldn't have an older brother who cares about me. If you hadn’t turned your back on me, I might have been capable of love and trust sooner, and I might not have waited around for a good guy like Peter, who really does love me. If you hadn’t called me, I wouldn't have Lucy. I’m well aware you didn’t do any of those things on purpose, but I still feel grateful. But I don’t want to see you right now, or anytime soon, and I don’t want any parenting advice from you.” 

“It’s easy for you, you have Peter. You don’t work and he takes care of you,” Lou accused, “if you didn’t have him, what would you do? Where would you and Lucy go? You couldn’t stay home with her.”

“I love Peter, more than I’ve ever loved anyone. But If he did the things to Lucy that your boyfriends did to me, I’d drop him - probably out of a window - but he’d be gone from our lives. I love Lucy, and I’d figure out how to take care of her, without letting anyone hurt her,” Val promised, sniffing back tears, anger coloring his words. “Please go,” Val said softly. 

“You don’t have the right to judge me,” Lou said, but she stalked out, not making eye contact with anyone. 

Val’s chin dropped to his chest and he took a steadying breath, he didn’t want Peter and Backstrom to know these things, and he didn’t want to have to explain them. He felt arms around him, and Peter and Backstrom just held him, not asking any questions, not saying anything stupid, and Val hugged them back. 

****

Lucy was sleeping, her little snores filling the room. Val lay in bed, on his stomach, and Peter was next to him. Val could feel the questions between them, but he didn’t really want to delve into them. Peter’s hands were gentle on Val as they stroked his arms, sides, tracing the welt marks. 

“I didn’t know,” Peter said, shaking his head. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Val whispered, “it was a long time ago.” 

“Do you enjoy sex?” Peter asked quickly, looking down. Val laughed.

“Am I hard to read in that way?” Val asked, smirking, “yeah I like sex, a lot. Especially with you.”

Peter shook his head, “I just, the way you learned,” Peter said.

Val moved closer, his own hand going to Peter’s face, tilting his jaw so Val could see his eyes. “What I learned from that guy is that people can be assholes. I did enjoy sex later, and I’ve had a lot of partners who taught me very fun things that I enjoyed learning, and sharing with you,” Val promised. 

“I can’t help but picture it, and it makes me sick,” Peter confessed. Val flinched a little. “Because it happened, not, I don’t feel, I don’t, none of it was your fault and I feel the same about you as I did before,” Peter clarified.

“It makes me sick too, so I don’t think about it at all,” Val shrugged. Peter nodded.

“I’ll help you drop anyone out of a window who hurts Lucy,” Peter affirmed. Val smiled. “I’ll drop someone out of a window if they hurt you too,” Peter murmured. Val laughed a little then. 

“Deal, we always have to live fourth floor or higher,” Val smirked. 

“Are you,” Peter sighed, “okay? is that even the right word.”

“Yeah,” Val said smiling. “I have my family and they are safe, I mean, it super fucked up how we got her, but that’s kind of my life. It’s all worth it, I didn’t, I hate Blue, but I’ve been scared for weeks, and I still am a little, but we get to keep Lucy,” Val smiled. “I did something right, I kept her safe.”

“You do a lot right,” Peter said, his hands stroking Val’s body. “I love you, I didn’t think it was possible to love anyone this much.” Val sat up, moving to straddle Peter, his mouth finding Peter’s, his tongue slipping past his mouth. His fingers when to Peter’s hair and he tried to look at him with as much love as he felt.

“I didn’t think I could love anybody at all,” Val shrugged, leaning in, his hands on either side of Peter’s neck, pulling him in, his thumb stroking Peter’s pulse point and jaw. Peter’s hands went to Val’s waist, pulling him down, his fingers slipping boxers lower. 

“Aaahhh,” Lucy cried from her crib, “nnnnehh annahh,” she started crying. Peter let his head fall back and smack into the headboard with a long sigh, and Val fell back on the bed taking a deep breath.

“Christ, does she have your boxers wired, how does she always know?” Peter lamented playfully. Val laughed, and pulled on a shirt and his robe as he went to retrieve their daughter.

**Author's Note:**

> Someone has started a viscous rumor that I am allergic to comments and kudos... this is simply not true. I'd love to hear your thoughts :)


End file.
